Sinopse

There's this old trope about how everyone has a story. I'm sure you've heard it.

Episódios

  • 35. The Search for the Eternal Fall

    35. The Search for the Eternal Fall

    28/10/2016 Duração: 01h07min

    IIn this episode, we stumble back to our mics with October rants and delights. After a somewhat sticky start, we launch into a topic-packed hour of just the sort of loosely-connected content you all haven’t been missing. We are here now. Are you? After William donates to a mystery candidate, he unlocks The Age of Emails and searches for a way to unsubscribe to the election. Scott battles with a lower-than-Eliza-level (look it up, nerds) personal assistant who ironically doesn’t understand the concept of mobile devices. Shorn T., Phone Home! We agree that nobody ordered iMessage a la modal. Heck, we don’t even have time to fade in. William has gone far Beyond the Porch and back and shares his thoughts on his recent trip to Hawaii. It’s all about sunscreen, crafty mosquitoes, introverted snorkeling and some isolated yak shaving in a bitchin’ Camaro drop-top “upgrade”. Join Diabetic Gecko and their opening band Live Liquid Lava for a tropical tour of the Big Island. The walk alone might kill you. Mus

  • 34. Strip Escape Room

    34. Strip Escape Room

    24/09/2016 Duração: 47min

    Try as you might, there’s just no escaping this episode! We begin with some breaking (baking?) potato news that proves you can have your cake and not eat it too. Scott is three-sheds to the wind as a powerful sheddiction takes hold of his family. Will Santa’s little helper win the battle of rooftop décor? Who will be forced to live above Mr. C’s garage? I shedder to think of it. We shed just move on. William gets some much needed advice on the art of taking vacations from the irreplaceable Master we’d all love to replace. We rant about the latest harbinger of the End of Days - the Amazon DASH button and find that we have more questions than answers. William shares a story of not escaping an escape room, which prompts Scott to up the ante in a NSFER way before suggesting an idea that hits a bit too close to home. Turns out there’s no escaping the enigma of parenthood. We end with Music in Rearview as we visit with the Sith Lord Roy Clark (Darth Fingers) for 37 minutes of pleasure wrapped up in a 36.73-minu

  • 33. Men ‘o Pause

    33. Men ‘o Pause

    17/09/2016 Duração: 51min

    In this episode, we return to play with our extremities. After our Sabbatical respite of tacit ablutions, it’s time to get down to the business of casting our pods. William is in the eye of the summer chaos storm where he faces both faulty layovers and an excess of planning. Could a clothing-optional puddle-jumper be in his future? As a 138-year-old-man, Scott reminisces about a past escape from Jekyll Island and shares his One Rule to Vacation Them All. We find common ground in our Great Expectations and agree that in the end, fun is fun, but home is where it is at. As we slowly ramble into our main topic, we discover that somebody is taking our mediocre ideas and running with them, which means we have at least one listener left. Turns out the secret is us! Then it is time for our Word(s) of the Week. Everything is amped up these days which causes us to muse on the topics of the casual and the extreme, the doing versus the experiencing. Our message is one of stillness and slowness. Don’t push that

  • 32. No Wonder it’s Dark

    32. No Wonder it’s Dark

    26/08/2016 Duração: 28min

    Did you know that this podcast existed before this podcast started? Well, it's true. As we continue our vacations, both actually and mentally, feast your ears back to the final part of the final episode of the podcast that turned into this podcast before it was a podcast. (Checking his notes)... Eh, it's all very timey-wimey. Just try to keep up. (Throws his notes away). Yes, it's a pre-show spectacular, a lifting of the curtain, a peek behind-the-scenes, a scrap under the table, but mainly a cheap way for us to get away with posting something quickly while we drink wine coolers and check on our tans. There's no other way to describe it. Honestly. I've listened to it three times and still don't know what I'm listening to. Enjoy.

  • 31. Bocce Bird

    31. Bocce Bird

    05/08/2016 Duração: 35min

    In this episode, we go on vacation! Things get squirrelly, random, off-kilter and weird at Up And Overcast Central as we give over to the powers of summer and all the delightful chaos it can bring. But don’t worry. This mini-episode is packed full of podcasting flavor and there’s much more Amateur Hour to come! After all, what’s better than a full episode of our show? HALF an episode! We begin as we usually do with some follow-up. William finds that OS stands for Oh Sh*t as Apple once again crashes his world around him. Time to install a new William. Then it’s the return of the crowd-pleasing, highly-rated Varmint News as the war against Scott’s remaining vehicles heats up and he is forced to take a particularly odiferous response against possible Vanhogs. Beyond the Porch brings the visceral slaughter that is crab fest as William has flashbacks to 2015’s messy Crustacean Operation by Milton Crabley. But wait! The unthinkable has happened! Jo gets on a literal roll with a pallino and a bocce Cindere

  • 30. Raccoons Ate my Subaru

    30. Raccoons Ate my Subaru

    05/08/2016 Duração: 55min

    In this episode, we are not nurtured by nature. After a long week with a summer cold and the working man blues, William is rebooted to find himself recording a podcast again. Is this thing still on? We go full nerd alert to discover that Agile is less than agile at 1am, get distracted by abstracting abstractions, and find that in the end everything new is old again. Or maybe new dogs have the same old tricks. Nevertheless, our radical old ideas may mean the end of the tech book business if that’s still a thing the kids are into. Not wanting to incur the wrath of Big Book, we move on. Let the Graybeards sort it out if you can find one. Scott scores an achievement by unlocking his apnea solution but needs an emergency social media intervention. With all this Horrible News from the World Wide World, phones become a pellet-providing lab experiment of endless-loop reward-seeking. William is definitely lured in by the hit as well, and we figure out an answer of sorts that may involve podcasting forever. A

  • 29. We Have White Noise

    29. We Have White Noise

    05/08/2016 Duração: 01h10s

    In this episode, we keep on persevering. As the saying goes, “When life gives you lemons, you skip a podcast.” And such it was for us. A hard-hitting week behind us, we get right to it with an exposé on the purpling of mountains - only to realize that it is all fruitless. Scott experiences a Narcolapse and struggles to remain standing. William ends his lactose-intolerance denial by cutting the cheese. There’s a cow joke in there but I don’t feel like milking this topic any further. We discuss the execution of summer with a trip to a delicious-sounding desert valley, get confused by a full Trump-country moon and wonder why people are bringing their own soundtracks into nature. Could it be that William is a large and threatening predator? We reflect on our Independence Day experiences and a fireworks kerfuffle that may be part of a vast local news conspiracy. There’s smoke on the water… and fire also on the water. Pokemon? No! Seriously. Stop it. What is behind our reaction to this viral, anti-clique phenomenon

  • 28. Miss Moral High Ground

    28. Miss Moral High Ground

    01/07/2016 Duração: 01h01min

    In this episode, we travel through a maze of anxiety in order to reach a garden of melancholy. We begin with a long follow-up section wherein we discover that we may be wrong. No surprise there. Luckily, our journey is blessed by some extra English light as Miss Moral High Ground (Jo) stops by to set us straight with some jolly good thoughts on the previously-discussed differently-abled parking situation. Narrow views are opened wide. Points are clarified. Examples are concreted. However, there’s a skeptical and quite grabby invisible point system game out there that we are clearly not winning. Meanwhile, Jo is confounded by the backwards driving rules in this country and adds her own annoyances into last week’s consciousness mix. Green means stop? Red means go? Is there a point? It would be a first for us. Is Jo even right? Wait, who will correct the corrector? It’s an Inception-infused perpetual correcting machine! Maybe the people beeping behind her to move have some ideas. After showing the

  • 27. Empty Pimp Suits

    27. Empty Pimp Suits

    25/06/2016 Duração: 57min

    In this episode, we traffic in Consciousness. Your cheery podcast kind-of-friends would love to explain why we are a week late, but there’s no unpacking to see here. Kindly move along to our low-energy Overview wherein Scott seeks an ancient, rare bulb unknown to humankind, enjoys some filterless cabin smoke, and battles a bad seal and a floaty rear-end. Every Murdervan is different, but it’s nothing that chemistry can’t try to fix. Fry up some toast! William is nest-adjacent to a patrolling, paroling, thwack-crazy corvid with boundary issues. Whose house IS this anyway? It may be good theater, but that equal-opportunity thwacker has us considering some wacky solutions. These head games are definitely a Caws for Alarm. Daisy Ridley seems to be feeling a bit yellow. Costa Rican skin graft? Jaundiced Jedi? Whatever the case, the turmeric is strong with this one. We’ll provide pertinent particularization on her pasty poultice post-haste! Then it’s back to square zero with Word of the Week as we explore the art o

  • 26. Fauxvant Garde

    26. Fauxvant Garde

    10/06/2016 Duração: 59min

    In this episode, we celebrate our half-year anniversary with too many brownies and just enough Murder Vans. Scott appears from the future with morbid first-hand knowledge and many adjectives to describe his levels of piss and vinegar. With Benders of Action afoot and rubbery goo at the ready, he attempts a last-ditch effort to revive the Murder Van. Sadly, chemicals are never the answer. Long live the junker jalopies! William presents a Train Pain Bonus Track that features urination targeting and multiple contusions in a tiny, lurching torture box. Can you hear me, Major Cooper? She Knows! Then the Murder Van returns to the sound of Whaaaaaaat!? It’s Manic Solutioneering with Scott Horn as he replaces ALL THE PARTS! Who needs sensibility, anyway? The phones are ringing off the hook as we raffle a lightly-killed vehicle and consider just how far Scott will go to extend a joke. Turns out he’s done this kind of thing before. With limited purchasing options, Scott solves our podcast’s recent loss by

  • 25. Train Pains and Murdered Vans

    25. Train Pains and Murdered Vans

    03/06/2016 Duração: 47min

    In this episode, transportation gets the better of us. As we recover from our respective weekends, we establish some clear friendship roles before launching into our surprising 25th podcast outing. The Bad Parenting Series continues as Scott’s duplicate daughter loses a fight with a pizza crust. Vigorous chewer or magical twin teeth connection? Whatever the case, she’s a chip off the old tooth. Then, we receive an actual email with an offer that seems too good to be true, mainly for our listeners. If only we had eight bucks! Send your money orders to [email protected] and we promise less of us. Scott brings us a sorry tale of ignorance as the beloved Murder Van meets a slow, drippy death. It’s a swan song full of smells, noises, liquids and a last heroic journey to a four-digit fatality. The omens were there if only he could have remembered what he already knows. William commiserates with a mouthful of poison and in turn forgets what is already his nose. Looks like it’s finally the end of the Murder V

  • 24. The Cup of Knowledge

    24. The Cup of Knowledge

    27/05/2016 Duração: 53min

    In this episode, we become more disoriented than usual. Spring has arrived - for real this time - and what better way to celebrate than with the annual weighing of potatoes? Keep those russets lean, everyone! Full of a fail whale’s worth of carbros, William applauds the turning of the Earth and avoids discovering the wonders of speech-to-text. Meanwhile, down there, over here, or out there, Scott endures a clipping-heavy two-cut week. Fresh off the giddy highs of weather talk, we move into a discussion of dental hygiene. William’s MoldPik is a horror show cautionary tale that proves gravity always wins - and so might peroxide. Scott shares how a fateful trip to the dentist as a teenager in the seatbeltless 70s combined with a spit bowl’s worth of parental-provided free will gave him the power to confidently blunder. He’s faking it until the day he hopefully makes it, or dies. Luckily, he turned things around after only a few enameled casualties but still managed to pass on his dental-damaged legacy to his chi

  • 23. Mean Jerk Time

    23. Mean Jerk Time

    20/05/2016 Duração: 01h12min

    In this episode, two simpletons simplify. But first, the weather. It’s snowing in Columbus. It’s swinging wildly between lava melt and ice age in Seattle. What did Al Gore fail to mention? William is grumpy about an upcoming journey into the Heart of Innovation, tries to get a sandwich, and serves up a carafe of whine until Luke Pez has had enough and attempts to end it all. Scott heads to the Deep South of Kentucky to steal William’s thunder, or maybe his sandwich. We rant about the AOL of social media as William tries to bring things into focus and Scott finally becomes friends with his family. Scott won’t easily escape now, and neither will the Flash! After a prom fashion tangent, we put on our clean jeans and head to the dance. Unfortunately, the dance is the “Update Office Every Three-and-a-Half Minutes Shuffle,” which has William facing the cold, hard fact that he’s renting his entire life. As the demons pour from the Whitening, we both realize that you can’t even trust water. Our Two Topic Episode™ beg

  • 22. Robots Don’t Bend Their Knees

    22. Robots Don’t Bend Their Knees

    13/05/2016 Duração: 01h08min

    In this “inventive” episode, Special Guest and Honorary Producer Jo joins us in the magical podcasting shack. After two mistakes in a row, Scott suffers a painful injury; but don’t worry… it’ll all work out okay in the knee. He’ll kneed some help, but luckily there are Robot Nazis to look to as role models. Everyone is coming up William as he shares a story of how a past girlfriend curried favor with a horse using an ancient shark attack remedy that now has Jo considering her options. Whatever they are, they won’t involve female welders… or is that plumbers? It’s important to get these things right. William and Jo and 38,000 Seattleites lose sleep thanks to a substation raccoon transforming into a very special conductor, if it even happened at all. Surrounded by white noise, Jo’s dreams aren’t so sure. Waiting for hyperspace, William’s dreams let the monsters run free. And what is going on with the fan!? Then it’s on to more TV talk as Jo pitches Silicon Valley, Scott builds a pool table in a Man Lab, a crazy

  • 21. Friendship Hooker

    21. Friendship Hooker

    06/05/2016 Duração: 53min

    In this episode, we ponder modern “manliness”. But first, when it comes to weather, William runs hot and cold and hot.. and cold and finally looks for help underwater. Too bad he picked a fight with his inner narrator. I always win. Go drink a lady, William. Meanwhile, Scott throws up his arms and hulks out with grass grumpiness. We discover that Prince has returned to our galaxyhood and is dancing around a dwarf with his Princely berries on display. If only somebody would freeze us so we could be that cool! William updates the index on his Aldnoah review, which only makes Scott hunger for more content. Awkwardness and Discomfort is on the menu, but he can’t get a good latch on any of it. It’s a high-intrigue endurance contest of murder and boobs that may be warping William’s already-malleable brain. The word of the week is “manly” or maybe it is “useful”. Whatever the case, we go on a rip-roaring, gender-role-exploring, philosophical adventure together. After some reluctant screws, William ends u

  • 20. Farts and Namaste

    20. Farts and Namaste

    29/04/2016 Duração: 01h08min

    In this extra-extended, robot-charged episode, we make with the Mecha! As always, we start with a kidney-pleasing pre-show stretch before powering up our podcasting exoskeletons. How does the Electric Company generate all that energy? Who is the mystery woman William’s parents paid off each week? Why is money so heavy? We answer all of these questions and still have room for Ramen Noodles and water, before we are brought to a sudden halt by the memory-straining case of Kristy McNichol and the Show Note Elves. We continue our dubious guessing about things of which we know nothing by reminiscing about Battle of the Network Stars wherein we consider the athletic capabilities of Gabe Kaplan and celebrate a scandalous Baio/Diller romance. Dubiouser and Dubiouser! William reveals that his wife is having an affair with a dishwasher, which causes us to discover that the cure for sickness is a healthy dose of nursing annoyance. Scott then takes on the mantle of Mister Snake as he greets a newly-identified, mouse-huggi

  • 19. Tetrabytes

    19. Tetrabytes

    22/04/2016 Duração: 49min

    In this episode we return to our analog roots. After being singled out by the state of Texas, William considers setting up a podcasting hospitality suite in his basement while Scott provides a much-needed After Swirl. Now that’s a REAL podcast! Then we leap into some serious nerding about, digging through the media strata that stretches from a simpler, analog time to the present golden era of digital, stopping frequently at all the crap in-between. William finds some equipment that definitely isn’t cutting age, and shares a story from the archives of his complicated dating life. Or maybe it’s just a story about a temp job as a service animal. It’s all the same to him. Scott provides a media storage history lesson and ponders the ant-like task of continually pushing our content up the hill of changing formats until we break through the Cloud. William does a 720 after Scott brings up his podcasting boyfriend, and before you know it, we shoot for the stars. Scott traces the path of a truck-load of filing cabinet

  • 18. Clothed and Anxious

    18. Clothed and Anxious

    15/04/2016 Duração: 54min

    In this episode, we look for options in our closed systems. We begin with a phlegmy, loopy, tinkly opening that heralds the arrival of the inappropriately-titled Nut Brown Maiden. Scott gives props to the amazing Murdervan who saved the Horns from certain doom, but may have had a hand in causing it. William announces that our pinup career is off to a rousing, pinching, scuttling start, if being the poster boys of Happy, Introverted and Dorky is a thing. Naked and Afraid? Why not? Scott has the alphabetized ass for it. Then we both freak-out with a serious discussion of anxiety, depression, options, and regrets which leads to the story of William’s initial Seattle migration and closet-living hermitage and Scott’s recent scheduling struggles that again sees the return of the Murdervan, this time as a mobile work studio that may be more enabling than helpful. Finally, somebody is sending William very bossy notifications. Turns out it is past William, that jerk! Who will win this epic battle of Wills? Then it’s t

  • 17. Potluck Power Out

    17. Potluck Power Out

    08/04/2016 Duração: 51min

    In this episode, we are confronted by a tapestry of disaster. William motorboats through a disaster of an opening segment, as Scott, juiced on java bean elixir, patiently explains the finer points of multi-track editing. William plays “Shoot Right for the Dumb” with a rant about underhanded Discovery Channel tactics before we dive headfirst into a discussion of our staggering Wendy Carlos ignorance. Moral of the story? We are the ones who are out of potatoes. We break the stupid loop of perpetual correction by checking in on the hairstylings of the local delousing treatment center, the amazing word technology that is “Carplay”, and William’s misguided plans to bulk purchase Tesla automobiles. Goodbye, combustion engine! You were a gas! Then, surprisingly, we go beyond the porch as the Horns set their cat alarm and take a Family Duty Spring Break at a state park lodge that promises all the dry snack food you can eat, wandering hallway moose, and a very shaky notion of fire safety. As the howling wind and darkn

  • 16. Rimsky-Korsakovsplaining

    16. Rimsky-Korsakovsplaining

    01/04/2016 Duração: 57min

    In this episode, we face the big, confusing world and try to gain some control over it. William shares a very narrow and obscure superpower as Scott seeks Spinal Tap clarification but perhaps achieves only obfuscation. We travel beyond the porch where William visits the World’s Tiniest Wetlands and assists a Great Blue Herring in some social observation and chicken frightening while Scott laments his past ousting from his Childhood Retention Cave by some do-gooder nephews and a rogue water heater. William endures caucus chaos in a low-rent Breakfast Club where meaningless neighborhood lines are hotly contested while Scott discovers he’s in a low-rent Speed where his listening retention depends directly on his GPS movements. William then heads to the symphony and Scott to the doctor’s office where we find out how to composersplain, the art of loud but complimentary elder marriages, and finally who Susan REALLY is. Scott says goodbye to both the segment and his hair by refusing to play along with the baldn

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